Shared Vengance and Pain
by CyanGalaxy
Summary: After the death of someone she cared deeply about, Ahsoka is enraged and has done something incredibly vicious - and not to mention, extremely against the Jedi Code, as well as the law of the Republic. The pain of her actions are haunting, and it doesn't take long for her Master to notice (Luxsoka, character death)
Ahsoka didn't take Lux Bonteri's death well, especially because he was murdered right in front of her - in her arms to be exact. She watched as the terrorist group, Death Watch, finally hunted down Lux. Ahsoka stood on from the sidelines when Lux Bonteri was stabbed clean through the chest from Pre Vizsla's deathly-black dark lightsaber.

All the feelings she had ever felt for Lux—care, love, and affection— turned into cold-blooded hatred for the man who killed him - no, not just Pre Vizsla, the entire Death Watch gang. Her first vengeance kill was Vizsla. It was so fast and so quick, he hardly saw it coming. As more members of Death Watch started to attack Ahsoka, they too also met their demise from Ahsoka's yellow and green laser swords.

The anger, hatred and vengeance only grew, as she slaughtered more Death Watch Mandalorians.

Soon they were not fighting back. Instead they were begging for their lives, yet Ahsoka cut them down in an instant. Lux was her comrade, her friend, her secret love. And now Death Watch had killed him, and they needed to pay.

Ahsoka's rage was powered by the Dark Side. It gave her strength to keep murdering mercilessly.

Every single Mandalorian was now dead. Cut or stabbed by Ahsoka's blades. Ahsoka took in the sight after she had taken a time to just... Breathe.

The adrenaline was now gone, and only sorrow, grief and guilt remained. She had turned Lux's beautiful home into a battle field... No... an execution ground.

Ahsoka was caught up in so many emotions that she forgot. Forgot how to be a Jedi. Forgot how to be a person. Forgot how to be the kind-hearted togruta she was. She didn't know what to do now, so she ran. Ran far away, and left Onderon to travel back to Corusant on Lux's ship. Maybe if she went back to Corusant, everything would be fine. This would all be some sick dream and it would end with her waking up. Lux would be alive and she wouldn't be laced will so much emotions of grief, anger, sorrow, vengeance, guilt. Not only guilt for the begging lives she murdered (which she thought she would never feel guilty for) but also for not saving Lux. Maybe if she had seen it coming; maybe if the Force had told her before hand, non of this would have happened.

Now she felt the bitterness corse through her mind, yet another emotion she had to deal with.

She sat the full length of the ride from Onderon to Corusant, staring blankly into light speed, forcing her feelings back down, though they wouldn't stay. They threatened to spike tears in her eyes every time she thought - not just about the massacre, but about anything. So, Ahsoka found herself not thinking at all.

The ship landed on a landing pad at the Jedi Temple. The only words she spoke, were the authorisation code for the landing, so they would let her dock.

She walked through the temple, trying to find her shared dorm with Anakin, though it was mainly Ahsoka's, because Anakin was never there. In this Instance, she was thankful for his absence.

She sat down on the bedroll and finally broke. All the tears she had been holding in were now unleashed, as well as the feelings buried deep inside of her. She couldn't control them like she normally could. As a Jedi, she was meant to be in control of her emotions, but right now she was a complete and utter mess.

Anakin had felt the disturbance in the Force almost as quickly as it happened. He was with Obi-Wan, Rex and Cody in the hanger when it happened and the raw exposure of so much unjustified death was excruciating. He had to hold his throbbing head tightly, to regain back into the present time. What was even worse than the death, Anakin could sense so much emotional pain, it was almost overwhelming. Overwhelming and... Familiar. He was sure that he had felt this kind of pain before.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan said concerned and even a little shocked.

Anakin found himself looking up to his former mentor from the ground, when he was finally able to break free of the painful disturbance.

No sooner had he pulled out of the trance, he felt the same exact emotions and pain through a bond. Not just any bond. The Force-bond he and his Padawan, Ahsoka shared. So much grief and sorrow was radiating off of her Force-signature, and he doubted she was even trying to hide her emotions, because they were so vividly strong.

With out even telling Obi-Wan anything, Anakin leaped to his feet and found himself following the disturbance that was Ahsoka. The closer he got to her location, the more intense the emotional torment got. Extreme worry grew in Anakin's chest, as he wondered why Ahsoka was in this kind of state.

"Ahsoka?" Anakin called through the door of the dorm room. He could have just came in, since it technically was he's room as well, yet he hadn't used it in months (he stayed with Padmé instead, unknown to everyone els, of course) and they both just thought of it as Ahsoka's room.

Anakin could here sniffled sobs from inside that were definitely Ahsoka's, not to mention her very lucid and exposed presence that was giving of so much pained emotions.

From inside the dorm room, Ahsoka stopped crying as she heard her masters voice. She felt as if she had gotten caught and just stayed silent and still, as if that would make him go away, or think that she wasn't here; though she knew he probably herd her and from all the distress, Ahsoka never put up mental shields, meaning that he could sense her vibrantly.

Ahsoka cursed at herself mentally, before she replied to Anakin. She knew that pretending she wasn't present would do nothing, as well as acting fine because he wouldn't believe a word. "Go away," She said softly instead. She wasn't in the mood to be polite, nor respect the fact that Anakin was her Master and she probably shouldn't talk to him that way.

"Ahsoka, please open the door. I could sense you from the hanger and I haven't sensed a disturbance in the Force like that since-" he cut himself off, as he wasn't exactly prepared to explain that information to his Padawan, but the truth was, last time he sensed a disturbance like that, it was when his mother died... Wait- now he knew why Ahsoka's emotions were so familiar. It was the same pain he felt at that time, as he was feeling from Ahsoka now.

Anakin felt Ahsoka's pain once again, and it was indeed the same emotions he felt back on Tatooine all those years ago. "Ahsoka, I don't know what happened. But I know that you're in grief, and staying behind the door will not help." He tried to sound as soothing as possible, and slowly and reluctantly, Ahsoka pressed the button that would open the door.

She knew that there was no way of hiding, and staying alone would not do her any good right now, because she really felt alone to dwell in her sorrow.

Anakin was met with the puffy-eyed togruta and her face of sadness, as she sniffled away tears with the back off her hand. The way Anakin found his Padawan was depressing. Never had he seen her like this - so devastated, so mournful, so deflated. It only left him wondering: "What happened..." He didn't realise he said it aloud.

As Ahsoka remembered the graphic memories from the recent past, her hands began to clenched into fists of anger. She felt so enraged by the Death Watch it made her swerve closer to the Dark Side. The hatred for them grew in her eyes, before the members of Death Watch pleaded for their own lives, flashed across her vision.

'Please stop, we will leave!' A Mandalorian cried.

'We'll do anything, just stop!' Yelled another.

'I beg you!' But all of them who cried out were silenced by Ahsoka's lightsaber. Every. Single. One.

Ahsoka's eyes burned. Not with anger, but with overpowering guilt. She remembered the ones that pleaded to be spared from death's grasp, but ended up in oblivion anyway. She did it all to avenge Lux, yet in the end, was it worth it? Death Watch were criminals, terrorist, yet it was not the Jedi way to kill unarmed people and especially not to start a massacre! What she did, killing defenceless lives begging for mercy, was just inhuman.

"I killed them!" She all but shouted, all her emotions finally coming up to the surface. "All of them. They're dead!" Tears sprung and it was helpless to stop them falling. "The ones pleading for mercy! Dead! And it was all just to avenge Lux's death! All of Death Watch... Dead! Killed! Murdered! Murdered to avenge Lux!"

Anakin watched as his Padawan burst into fury. The things she was saying were so despicable, yet they didn't disturb Anakin. He wasn't shocked at her confession. He wasn't angry. He wasn't repulsed. He had been through the exact same situation with his mother and the tuskin raiders. The exact same feelings; the exact same pain... And Ahsoka needed to know he understood.

"I know," He said, not looking away from her. "I know how you feel, and why you did it." If only Ahsoka knew, just how true that statement was.

Ahsoka hated these kinds of lies. They were mean and cruel, even if they were meant to make her feel better. Whenever someone said they 'understand', it really meant they don't and just want to make whoever feel alright.

"No, you don't!" She snapped, just as loud as before. She felt bad enough from her horrible act, and now that her Master was lying to her, she felt even worse. Her Master... "You are perfect!" Ahsoka screamed, and at the statement, for the first time, Anakin was taken aback. "You would never do something like this! You are the kriffing Chosen One!" He would never understand, since Ahsoka believed that he never did wrong. "The hero of the Republic!" Sure, Anakin disobeyed the Council sometimes, but other than that, he was the perfect role model. The role Ahsoka believed she failed to portray. "The Jedi everyone looks up to!" Everything became a blur in Ahsoka's eyes, from all the tears "You would never do anything like me!" Ahsoka felt so ashamed with herself that she couldn't look her mentor in the eye. The mentor that meant so much to her, and now to meet his disappointed glare would be like torture. She had let him down...

"Ahsoka-" Anakin said firmly. It didn't startle her, because she was expecting some kind of lecture about her words... And of course her actions.

She still couldn't meet his eyes. Instead she looked down at her legs, that she didn't know were shaking.

Both Jedi stood in silence for a long moment. It gave Ahsoka the time to calm down, until she was calm enough to stop crying and simply sit cross-legged on the bedroll. Anakin did the same opposite her.

"It was before the war, on Tatooine." Anakin said softly to Ahsoka. She didn't know what he was saying, so she just listened. "I went back to see my mother, though when I finally found her, she was hurt really bad by the tuskin raiders in their camp. They had kidnapped her and beat her, and she died in my arms." A short silence. "I felt so angry, so furious, that I killed all of the raiders in the camp... Even the ones that didn't deserve it."

Ahsoka didn't know what to say. She had just yelled at him for not understanding, yet he understood. Understood exactly. Understood everything. The vengeance and emotions and the pain. He understood and Ahsoka had never felt this close to her Master before.

"I'm sorry..." She breathed. She didn't quite know what she was apologising for—because there were so many things—but all she knew was that she had to say 'sorry'. And that word was truthful, not something she didn't mean. She truly was sorry... For everything.

"I'm sorry, too..." Anakin echoed. Other than his wife, he never had shared that experience with anyone; not even his brother, Obi-Wan. To have someone know the same things you went through, was like a weight lifted off of your shoulders and Ahsoka was the one who knew. But then again, he couldn't escape the feeling that he had failed her. If he had trained her better, non of this would have happened. She would have learned to control her emotions and deal with her grief another way... It was then, once Anakin realised just how similar they are.

Anakin wasn't making a big effort to shield his thoughts from Ahsoka, and he hadn't noticed that Ahsoka was paying attention to his mind. She didn't say anything, yet she pulled Anakin into an embrace and they stayed like that for several moments.

•••

 **A/N**

 **I don't even know what to say. I guess I wanted Anakin and Ahsoka to be even more alike with one another, plus I wanted to do something that involved Lux... And well I killed him. In this, I just wanted to portray a side of Ahsoka that we don't normally get to see, and in my opinion, she would never really act like this, yet, she might if it was someone she cared about.**

 **May the Force be with you**

 **-StarWarsJediGirl Aka Victoria**


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